I saw Annette today. I left early from work so I could go with her to a neurology appointment. Today was just another reminder that in spite of everything I have and everything and everyone I know, there is nothing I can do to make my daughter better.
I can be there for her, and help her exercise, or spend the day with her, or whatever. She is the one that has to make her body work. I am a bystander. It breaks my heart a little every time I see her in her wheelchair, trying to make the best of it.
I treat her just like I would if she weren’t injured. I spend time lecturing her every time I see her these days. I tell her this is on her and she has to give her best effort if she wants to walk again. I try to remind her that the world doesn’t owe her anything just because some fucking idiot got drunk one night and ran her over.
Now I know she is going to live. It feels like things are getting harder. It is a struggle to do things with her, like put her in a car or get her into a house. I know that this will just become the new normal over time.
I don’t want to have to accept this, but like many other things in life, there isn’t much else I can do but take it. I have been told by people that they admire my strength through all of this, but I feel like they are just glad that it isn’t happening to them. I keep remembering being comforted about my daughter by people whose children were home, safe in bed.
I can’t do anything for her. It is truly a feeling of powerlessness. How does a public administrator help his daughter heal her broken body. I guess this is finally getting to me.
I have to do something. Campaigning against drunk driving is already taken by MADD. As you can tell, they didn’t do anything that was of any use to Annette. Besides, it only takes a little research to realize that people are run down by cars all the time and very little is done about it. Perhaps that needs to change.